For whatever reason you find yourself here, I welcome you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping by to gander into this life of widowhood I have unexpectedly found myself in. This is for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation or just wants to get an idea of what this is really like. I know the lot of you will be fellow members of this shitty club, but I hope that the many others will never have to know what this is like.
Losing a spouse is not for the weak and wearied, even though at times that’s all that I feel. The thing is about widowhood, you’re not given a choice. You HAVE to get up and keep going. Even when it feels impossible, and those impossible days are way more frequent than not.
Learning to live every day without my beloved Justin has been like trying to live with without all of my limbs. You’re trapped and have nowhere to go other than to just sit in the painful and horrid mess that is your life. I cannot do justice for what this is like because it is the type of hurt that you cannot truly explain. You have to feel it yourself to really understand. But hopefully, I can help my fellow widowed tribe or anyone who just wants to try to gain an understanding of the daily life of someone who is living with heavy grief. It’s now part of my new identity, and always will be. The girl I was before Justin died is long gone and I now am piecing together what this new me looks like. I am not sure what that will look like entirely but hopefully here is where I can put myself back together again.
Thank you for taking an interest in my journey. It is because of all of you that I have kept going.
“Well, I’ll keep on moving, moving on. Things are bound to be improving these days. One of these days.” -Jackson Browne
Where Stevie Writes 
I love you my sweet sis! Looking forward to reading everything your heart will share
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Love YOU Jen!!! Thank you for always supporting me!
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Thank you for sharing this. I am a new member to this shitty club. I truly appreciate your story. Your words were spot on and powerful .
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I hate welcoming people to this club, but I am so glad you have found other widows. That has changed my life!! So much love to you!
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I was married 36 years.
Becky died when I was 55 years old, she was 54. I talked with her almost every day for the 36 years. Then one day I was all along among all the people.
For 6 months when I was alone I never sat down I stood or just walked around the house.
Thinking of her ,smelling her clothes looking at photos etc make me feel good. A warm feeling much like a moth to a candle. If I dwelled too long I got burned. It is best look photos briefly and move on to something else.
You can fight a lot of things in life and make a difference. But fighting death you can never win! And the difference it makes is to you and those around you..and not usually for the good.
Life is like a book it doesn’t read well if you don’t move on to the next chapter.
I started seeing other people with in 6 months and in 4 years I got married to a very nice lady which I love.
She not Becky nor would I want her to be.. that was the last chapter.
I hope things work out for you.
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Thank you for sharing Randy. I am so sorry you know this pain, but grateful you have been able to rebuild your life. Stay strong my friend!
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